Just Another Mummy Blog
By Can – mum to Mimi (aged 5) and pregnant again – 38 weeks (11 days to go…)

This Week I Am Mostly…Counting Down…
…11 days…according to the Baby Bump app on my i-Phone, I have just 11 days before my world turns upside down and I contract what is commonly known as Newborn-itis. Memory recollects that from first time round, symptoms include – sleep deprivation on a tortuous scale, the inability to communicate coherently, sore boobs, unwashed hair, unkempt appearance, hormonal swinging of epic proportions…and all caused by one tiny-yet-incredibly-demanding baby.

Although it sounds (and feels) like a long time, 40 weeks of pregnancy can never prepare you for the overwhelming first few months of Motherhood. You can read all the books in the world and subscribe to as many internet parenting sites as possible. You can take advice from friends, family, midwives and GPs – all will have your best intentions at heart and will want to share their good/bad experiences – most will want you to learn from their mistakes. But sometimes this can only lead to confusion and conflicted opinions on what is best for you and your baby. With my first pregnancy, I didn’t listen to anyone, I certainly didn’t read any books and the only internet sites I visited, were for self-indulgent retail therapy purposes – which was a LOT more fun. Call it denial, call it a cavalier approach, but at the time it worked for me. I was so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of advice on hand that I inadvertently rejected it all and just got on with it, in my own muddled way.

So, my first two weeks as a new mum involved: struggling to correctly fit nappies on my baby, without her looking like an amateur sumo, failing to capture any wee/poo and thereby resulting in 20 outfit changes per day, trying to breastfeed through the burning sensation of nipple torture, thus swearing repeatedly at her in a Tourettes-like manner – then feeling like a total failure for not being a ‘natural mother’. All of this was experienced through a fug of sleep deprivation. I beat myself up repeatedly, mainly during those lonely nights when all I had for company were the dulcit tones of my other half snoring peacefully next door, with a little one staring up at me with those big brown eyes, saying ‘entertain me, for gods sake, it is your job after all…sleep is for wimps…’. It wasn’t until I spoke to my other new mummy friends that I realised that this experience was all NORMAL.

Obviously, there is always one exception to the rule – to this day, I only have admiration for how this woman pulled it off. She kindly volunteered to host the first NCT coffee morning. It coincided with my first trip outside of the flat, the first trip to involve car seats and an impossible-to-fold Bugaboo. Two hours after the planned departure time (and three nappy changes later), I set off in the car and promptly ran over someone on the High St. I don’t know if you can blame sleep-deprivation in a Dangerous Driving case in front of a judge, but that was my only excuse. Luckily for me, the miraculously unscathed victim promptly got up, dusted himself off and ran to catch his bus (not after swearing profusely at me and making odd hand gestures). By the time I got to my friend’s house, I was a nervous wreck. Note then, my dismay when she opened the door, in her size 8 jeans, perfectly coiffured hair, holding a home-made lemon polenta cake. Her return gaze said it all. There I was, standing on her doorstep, looking like I’d stepped from a train-wreck, vomit stains down the front of a pyjama top which I’d forgotten to change out of AND with Russell Brand-style hair, only dirtier. I thought I was going to be violently sick through shame. Although that obviously didn’t stop me wolfing down several slices of the cake.

Ironically, despite that brief feeling of despair, the one lesson I did learn from those early weeks was not to compare myself with anyone – all babies are unique and all mums have a different approach. This time around, I certainly feel more relaxed and confident to trust in my own abilities to cope with a newborn. Forgetting the piles of parenting books available out there for those vulnerable, unsuspecting mums (Gina Ford has a lot to answer for), my ONLY advice to friends who are about to become new mums for the first time is to ‘sleep when baby sleeps’. As much as you will probably be tempted to sate your online shopping addiction/check your friends’ Facebook status updates/do the housework (!?), when your baby is in a milk-induced coma, EVERY minute of shut-eye will count.

Mind you, the sleep deprivation has already commenced here (due to frequent night time loo visits and uncomfortable sleeping positions). Which has only added to the hormonal and emotional outbursts (as if those could get any worse). Last week, I broke down in Laura Ashley over rug samples, debating the merits of natural wool in varying shades of mushroom, with a very patient store manager who silently pleaded with his eyes for me to leave his shop. The week before, I sobbed out loud in the queue at the Flu Jab clinic. Normally, I’d have put that down to my insane phobia of needles. This time, I was just tired beyond belief.

The ONE thing I will be doing differently though is my approach to contractions. Last time, my obsessive love of spreadsheets played a major part during early labour – for 14 hours (I kid you not), I made my darling other half take records of each contraction – it made perfect sense at the time, given that the useless TENS machine was ripped off my back after 10 mins and I felt we needed something to do – I think HE was too scared to argue…in hindsight, watching a movie, getting some sleep or even doing some housework would have been a more productive use of our time and probably a better distraction.

Perhaps I also shouldn’t have admitted the spreadsheet incident to our new NCT friends at the recent Couples session – up until that point, I’m sure they thought I was quite normal – but the look of pity from the other husbands towards my long suffering partner spoke volumes. Anyway, for his sake, I’ve recently discovered a very useful tool – back to the BabyBump iPhone app and its own contraction counter – stop/start, stop/start, etc…recorded all at a touch of a button. I expect we’ll only last about 5 mins on it before either boredom takes over and we switch to a competitive session of Angry Birds, OR I become so ghastly and abusive that I promptly get driven to, dropped off and abandoned at the hospital doors…either way, I am counting down the days to meeting this little one. It’s been an amazing and eventful journey so far and I’m looking forward to sharing the next chapter with you…until next time…x