Pregnancy after miscarriage
I am nearly 26 weeks pregnant and can now feel our baby’s karate and gymnastic routines on a regular basis. Every movement brings a sense of relief that all remains well amongst the inner depths of my expanding tum.
From the very start, I knew that this pregnancy was going to be accompanied by a flowing stream of paranoia and worry. I just think that’s the reality once you’ve miscarried. I found the first 12 weeks fairly excruciating with emotions soaring with every miniscule stomach twinge, sleepless nights and the regular check of my pants to see if there was any blood. 12 weeks is a blooming long time to play a wait and see game!
This time we decided to pay for an early scan at 9 weeks to confirm if there was a “viable heartbeat”. It was totally nerve-wracking and I’m afraid I found it impossible to acknowledge, let alone smile at the extremely pregnant woman opposite us in the waiting area. When it was our turn, I felt I’d cry immediately as we entered the room. It was the first time I’d talked about our miscarriage in a medical setting and my emotions were all over the place. As I lay on the bed, the sonographer was very kind and told us it may take her a couple of minutes to find the teeny embryo. We waited a minute or so and then on the screen appeared our embryo with a booming little heartbeat that triggered my tears of total relief.
The 12-week scan was another nerve strain. My need for absolute reassurance that our baby was fine remained. Thankfully the waiting room nerves were eased by the presence of our youngest and her constant requests to read, play and count the fish in the waiting room fish tank! I probably squeezed the life out of poor husband’s hand as I lay there having the warmed gel squirted onto me. Again more tears of relief when all was confirmed to be ok. I then needed to comfort our youngest who’d never seen me cry before by saying that I was crying because I needed the loo so badly!
I was tempted to buy a gadget whereby we could hear the heartbeat, but then figured if I struggled to locate it, I’d spiral into total panic. At every stage, I have needed reassurance updates. After the 12-week scan I then waited for the first movements. After the first movements, it was the 20-week scan. And now, it’s the wriggling and jiggling of our little bruiser.
I’ve already warned my very nice midwife that she is bound to get a panic phone call from me when I haven’t felt much movement and need to hear a heartbeat.
Unfortunately I know many women who have miscarried and know that I am not alone in my feelings. One friend who miscarried twins and then miscarried another baby, said her following pregnancy was nine months of sheer worry and that she was bloody glad (as were her family who’d had to live with her!) when she held her baby girl and could finally feel more in control.
Much as I know how incredibly common miscarriage is, it’s also a harsh and cruel reminder of how precious life is and how every new baby is a total blessing.
Loading ...